he's not coming home...

it's been a life-long dream of mine to be in the military, and kind-of a secret dream to be a military wife.

i can't imagine anything more romantic or meaningful than seeing your love for the first time in months or years.

i guess you could consider me a hopeless romantic.
okay, you could DEFINITELY consider me that.

i want to spend everyday for the rest of my life being hopelessly in love, and what better way to do that than spend each moment cherishing each other and the time you have together?

you don't know when it could all come crashing down in an instant;
a phone call--or lack of.

i was hopelessly in love. seriously...

i was the happiest i have EVER been! i smiled 24/7.

we would spend hours under the stars talking about how our love was unlike any other.

when he held my hand, i hoped he would never let go.

when we walked, he would look at me, smile and remind me how happy he was; i couldn't have agreed more.

when his arms were around me, i wanted nothing more than to stay there forever.

if i could take it all back; the pain, the tears, the nights spent under the stars alone, the empty message inbox, the empty tissue boxes, the heart break...i wouldn't...

he changed my life. literally...
i know it sounds cliche, but i look at life and love differently.
i don't go a day without thinking about him and/or what he taught me.

he taught me what true love is...

he taught me that true love is not always convenient, easy, or simple.

he taught me that true love is worth giving your life for.

he taught me that true love is FUN!


i take it back...
i take back not jumping in his arms every single chance i had.
i take back not kissing him as long as i could have or as often as i could have.
i take back the inhibitions and doubts.
i take back not giving him my whole heart--
he eventually had it all and more when he couldn't love me back.

i didn't know that would be the last time i would ever hug him goodbye.
i didn't know it would be our last kiss.
i didn't think it would end this way.

i wish i could put into words the way i felt about him and the way i feel about him now.

the truth is...
i'm just waiting.

waiting to smile again.
waiting for love; *true* love.