words with what i thought were my friends

dear josh...

i know you know that im competitive...

and i know that i liked my friends until they started kicking my trash on words with friends...

but...

it's almost turning into an addiction.

you already know this...

also, even though it seems stupid...the fact that you resigned TWO games already means alot to me....



.........which probably means its already an addiction....................

thanks for putting up with me.

dear josh...

i changed the name of my blog because i know you're the only person i can count on to read my blog.

i love you.

wee-lo.

josh.
this one is for you because i know you read my blog every night or something ridiculous like that even though i only post like once every blue moon. the moon isn't ever blue. whatever.

you hate it when i say whatever.

and i hate it when you say wee-lo.

and even though you call one of my best friends wee-lo, and you are definitely not perfect........


you're perfect for me.

they say you know...

...they say you know you're in love when reality is finally better than your dreams--- daydreams for me, that is...

i found someone who brings me flowers when i least expect it, and brings me treats to last me a whole 4 days while he's away...

i found someone to say goodnight to last and good morning to first...

i found someone who tells me im pretty even when i don't feel like it, and i actually sometimes believe him...

long story short.....

i found a keeper (:

i want {josh} to know that...

in case you're reading this...

i want you to know that i appreciate you...

i want you to know that i notice everything little thing you do for me...

i want you to know that i love every moment i get to spend with you...

i want you to know that i love going to the duck pond with you...

i want you to know that i love how caring you can be...

i want you to know that even when times are hard, i wouldn't want to be going through those hard times with anybody else...

i want you to know that i love holding your hand during prayers...

i want you to know that i love when you wait for me to catch up...

i want you to know that you make me smile even when you don't know it...

i want you to know that when you look at me, i get butterflies...

i want you to know that i love it when you surprise me...

i want you to know that i love when you encourage me to do better and be better...

i want you to know that it means alot to me when you help me do better with air force things...

i want you to know that your patience and kindness mean the world to me...

i want you to know that even though i'm hard to understand sometimes, you're good at pretending you do understand...

i want you to know that i love you...

josh and anna
november 18, 2011


november 18, 2011= the first day of the rest of my life

engaged to be engaged.

i need any and all opinions.
here are a few options of rings that i have been swooning over...

i'm a little different and i kind-of want a "different" ring or something that is really unique like a colored stone!

tell me which one you think best fits me!

to my prince charming

i found this on a friend's blog and loved it.


i believe in fairy tales.
i believe in happily ever after.
i believe in my prince charming (you) and the man of my dreams (you again!)
i believe in finding a light at the end of the tunnel.
i believe in kisses that can wake me from a deep sleep.
i believe in you fighting for me.
i believe in conquering your enemies.
i believe in finding out who you really are.
i believe in getting extremely lost in the woods.
i believe in getting help from your friends.
i believe in millions of sky lanterns dotting the sky.
i believe in dancing and singing.

i believe we have a spectacular fairy tale.
i believe that you're my knight in shining armor, and I'm your damsel in-not-so-much-distress.
i believe that you can help me through anything.
i believe that you can rely on me and be yourself.
i believe we can conquer worlds together. Hand in hand.
i believe that we can have a marriage more beautiful than our wedding.
i believe that you're not perfect, and neither am I - but I believe we still love each other in all of our weaknesses.

i believe in waking up in the middle of the night to you stroking my hair.
i believe in giving you butterfly kisses.
i believe in raising a family together.
i believe in you being my strength in my trials.
i believe in supporting you when you're just too tired to deal with it all.

i believe in growing old together and still looking at each other with adoration.

i believe in you.
i believe in me.
i believe in us.

proved.

remember how we are all just waiting for that one guy to come along and prove to us that all guys aren't the same? well, i found him...

perfect two.

you can be the peanut butter to my jelly
you can be the butterflies I feel in my belly
you can be the captain
and I can be your first mate
you can be the chills that I feel on our first date
you can be the hero
and I can be your sidekick
you can be the tear That I cry if we ever split
you can be the rain from the cloud when it's stormin'
or you can be the sun when it shines in the mornin'
don't know if I could ever be without you
'cause boy you complete me
and in time I know that we'll both see that we're all we need
cause you're the apple to my pie
you're the straw to my berry
you're the smoke to my high
and you're the one I wanna marry

cause you're the one for me
and I'm the one for you
you take the both of us
we're the perfect two
baby me and you
we're the perfect two

you can be the prince and I can be your princess
you can be the sweet tooth I can be the dentist
you can be the shoes and I can be the laces
you can be the heart that I spill on the pages
you can be the vodka and I can be the chaser
you can be the pencil and I can be the paper
you can be as cold as the winter weather
but I don't care as long as were together


you know that I'll never doubt ya
and you know that I think about ya
and you know I can't live without ya
i love the way that you smile
and maybe in just a while
i can see me walk down the aisle

cause you're the apple to my pie
you're the straw to my berry
you're the smoke to my high
and you're the one I wanna marry

cause you're the one for me
and I'm the one for you
you take the both of us
and were the perfect two
were the perfect two
baby me and you
we're the perfect two

too much to ask?

ya know how you go through your day and no matter what you're doing, that guy somehow slips into your mind and then you start thinking about how much you love being around him and how much you love his smile and then you start smiling like a freak while looking at that last text from him that said "hey what's up?", and then your heart starts pounding to the point where you can't even take in air and people start looking at your weird?

yeah.

well...

is it so much to ask to wanna be with a guy who's the same?

okay, i take that back...

i just want a guy who reads my text over and over again wondering what to say and who grabs his hair when he calls me because he's so nervous, but when we're around eachother, it's like we've been together for months...

i just want a guy who is excited to see me and holds me tight for at least 5 seconds before he lets me go, making sure that i know he never wants to let me go...ever...

i just want a guy to like me!

is that too much to ask?!?!

Life is short.

This is your life.
Do what you love, and do it often.
If you don’t like something, change it.
If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.
Stop over analyzing, life is simple.
All emotions are beautiful.
When you eat, appreciate every last bite.
Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people, we are united in our differences.
Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them.
Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself.
Some opportunities only come once; seize them.
Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them, so go out and start creating.
Live your dream, and wear your passion.
Life is short.

proof.

all a girl really wants is for one guy to prove to her that they are not all the same.

get it. got it. good.

you want something >> you get it.

you have it >> you love it.

you've had it >> you're good.

lets talk about boys.

i think you get the idea.

and if you don't the idea.......don't kiss them.

don't give them what they want.

why do you think people say play hard to get?! because the chase is the only fun you're going to have until you find a decent guy who STILL WANTS YOU!!!!!!!!

puddle jumping.

so a while back, i made a comment on facebook about how people who have problems should stick to their blog because the whole world doesn't really care about your problems.

which is true.

so...here i am, problems and all.
(this is the point where you decide if you want to sit here and continue to read all my problems.)

today it rained.
I LOVE RAIN.
call me crazy, but i love gloomy days more than anything.

as i was walking to class this morning, there were puddles everywhere.

it got me thinking about how puddles are what you make them.

you can freak out and walk around the puddle because it might ruin your shoes-and if you ARE going to ruin your shoes, PLEASE go around the puddle.

on the other hand, you can jump in it. you can embrace the liberating feeling of...jumping in water? sure. point is, any situation is what you make it.

take me, for instance, seeing as it IS my blog....just sayin'...
(don't worry, here come my problems so here is your second oppourtunity to stop reading.)

i hate my major.
alright...........im not even going to get into my list of things to complain about. why? because im going to make my situation what i WANT it to be.

i once heard a quote that stuck with me...

FAKE IT UNTIL YOU FEEL IT


hits home, eh?! therefore, i am going to pretend like i love my life. i mean, i do love my life. but im not going to FOCUS on the things that upset me, rather i am going to focus on the things that make my life extroadinary and simple, such as jumping in a puddle!

UMMM HOW CUTE ARE THOSE????!!

day of birth.

so...

sunday.

it was my birthday.


didn't really feel like it.


and no worries i've just been waiting for it ALL YEAR.


that's too bad.


but at least i have good friends and family who were nice to me...

i like my friends.

especially scham.

one year later.

it was an early fall evening, cold enough to sense the changing seasons. however, it wasn't the cold that provoked me to sense change. the atmosphere was thick as we sat hand in hand watching the sunset. this wasn't the first sunset we had watched together, and i wasn't expecting it to be the last. the sunflower that he had picked for me now lay and lifeless beside me.

earlier that summer, it all began: the most memorable summer romance i have ever experienced. from the first moment we spoke, i knew this was going to be more than a summer fling. i knew he was different;he was special, and he would change my life forever.

summer nights have magic in the air. the first night we were to meet, just the two of us, seemed more magical than other summer nights. it felt as if we were old friends reunited. by the end of the evening, while gazing at the stars, we shared every memory, ever scar and every experience. as he stood up, his hand caught the edge of a bottle cap hidden in the grass. he showed me and i suggested, jokingly, that he keep it to remind him of me. he later made the bottle cap into a necklace that we would trade every time we saw each other. each time i remember the impending loss, due to the marines, i would be comforted by the thought that this was only a blink of an eye compared to the time that we would spend together in the future.

each time we embraced, i KNEW i was the luckiest girl in the world. he was every girl's perfect boyfriend; and I was his girlfriend. i felt like i was in a dream; as if this should be the standard of romance every girl searches for. my previously dull summer was turning into a dream come true. i recall the evening where we were laying in the street, still warm from the sun as it was setting. i will never forget the way he turned to me with that perfect smile saying, "you're not like any other girl."

as he caught me observing the lifeless sunflower, he must have noticed the anguish on my face. i felt as if my heart was becoming whole, but slowly breaking at the same time. he was slipping away and there was nothing i could do about it. i could not put my finger on the source of my anguish. i couldn't help but question everything; was i not good enough for him?

it was only a matter of days until he was to leave for the next three months. i knew his upcoming absence was not the source of my distress. i knew we would be together soon enough; it was something deeper than that. as we drove home in silence, after the sun had set, his hand seemed different in mine; they were becoming mismatched pieces of a puzzle. the realization set in that the sunsets we watched, the tree we carved, the kisses we shared were not adequately appreciated. i was complete with his arms around me. however, i could not have felt more alone as i hugged him for what i realized might be the last time.

weeks later, my birthday seemed like an eternity as i was constantly checking my phone, anticipating at least one phone call. as i prepared for bed, i knew that he wasn't going to call. just like that my heart was shattered into a million pieces.
he was gone.

i often wonder if he came into my life for a reason. looking back, i learned more about life, love, and myself. as i remember lying in the street that summer night, i recall not caring about anything but being in that moment. i learned to embrace every second and to absorb every detail in order to look back on memories fondly. i learned that life and love are not perfect. it's the imperfections that add depth and character. the imperfections cause butterflies and heartaches.

the most important lesson i learned that summer was that every person has the ability to make an impression on another person, that will last a lifetime.

flipside.

if you consider how much time we think about certain guys who we may or may not be crushin' on...

...and i don't mean like incessant creepy weird constant thoughts, but just like passing thoughts...

.......that's alot of time.......

so the question we all have to ask ourselves is....


....does he think about us, too?

i'm like 90% sure jake thinks about me......................

like a bird.

i realized that there's a point where you have to do what's right for you.
i know people say this all the time and expect you to think that it's something you've never heard before and change everything.

im not expecting anyone to find this new or interesting.

i'm just saying, alot of people might say it, but nobody really does anything after they get all excited it. right? right.

anyway...

i'm done with people telling me what to do.

ksodon'ttellmewhattodoandwecanstillbefriends. kthanksbye.

9/11.

you know those people you see on the street, and in your mind, you're judging them and making conclusions about their life before you even speak to them?

did it ever occur to you that the person wearing that hideous sweater, or being really annoying actually belongs to someone who LOVES them??

back up...ya know how people refer to their families as crazy, but at the end of the day, you love them anyway because they're your family?

well, if you consider how many lives were lost on september 11th, 2011, it should bring the point home that every single one of the people lost on that day, belonged to at least one person, if not a family who still cares for them, loves them, and every single day until today, mourn the loss of their loved one.

on the flip side, because of the events that occured on that day, soldiers are half way across the world sacrificing their time, their happiness, their safety, and ultimately their lives.

be grateful.

this is mike on 9/11 in iraq!

this is jake in iraq!

3 weeks later. op-ed. kinda. whatever.

While walking around campus, you will notice all types of people, styles,and attitudes. These personalities contribute to the diversity that is so proudly exhibited by the university. The honor code at Brigham Young University is outstanding in that it not only expects more of young adults than a lot of the world believes should be expected, but there are some rules that not even a conservative young lady like myself can come to terms with.
I am a full supporter of the honor code…until we breech the subject of individual agency. For instance, in the dorms, the visiting hours for men are on Sundays and Wednesdays between 7 and 9 pm. I find this extremely inconvenient seeing as the most common time to spend visiting with friends is typically on a Friday or Saturday night. I understand why the university has adopted this policy because of the risk that accompanies such interactions.
The qualifications for entry into Brigham Young University are extremely rigorous, which in turn implies that each student is very accomplished and capable individual. Therefore, students should be enabled to reevaluate the honor code to fit today’s lifestyle opposed to the era in which the honor code was originally published. Obviously there are aspects of the honor code that should remain, however, some rules are unnecessary.
Wearing a skirt over leggings must still touch the knee. Female students could obviously take disadvantage of this rule, however I feel as if the rule could be altered to where the skirt could be 3 inches above the knee. I see females on campus with jeans so tight that I start to forget how to breathe. How is this any different than wearing leggings, especially when the upper portion is not covered? The answer to the all questions about modesty according to the honor code, obviously have to do with respecting yourself and those around you. I completely agree with keeping ones self modestly attired; however in the present system there are loopholes.
In conclusion, I feel there should be a greater possibility for students to provide input relative to Brigham Young University’s honor code. Making this the case will empower students and make them feel as if they are a part of something bigger than themselves, rather than taking orders from a deaf administration.

eeehhhhhhh......

okay, i admit it.

not like you have to force it out of me...

i don't like byu.

never really have. haha

i had a breakdown. it was pretty pathetic.

my roommate is cool.

everything else? not sa much.

this is the beginning of a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONNGGG year, people.

brace yourselves.

fml.

haha.

no place like home.

i'm home.


3 weeks gone.


i couldn't be happier.


what i discovered about myself- my NEW, grown up self -is that i really am a country girl at heart.
i love small towns.
and i love simplicity.
and i definitely love not being RUSHED!

anyway, i'm happy to be home and happy to be starting a new chapter in my life starting next week.

this change came at a really good time...

this morning i found out that...well...remember that one guy from my story, wayyyy back in like...april? haha well....

he's engaged.

i mean.......i knew it was over.....


but....


it kinda sucks! haha


on the other haaanndd, somehow i feel like it helped me get over him.

maybe that's because i don't wanna be the weird ex-girlfriend who is still in love with her married ex-boyfriend. weird.

anyway...

i guess this is my opportunity to change everything.

my never ending journey.

traveling was never a big exotic and exciting novelty to me.

it was normalcy.

i've been around strange people, strange places, and been in more than my share of strange situations!

i used to loathe this kind of thing, but i have found that as i have been provided with more time to find ME, that these people, places, and things have made me who i am today.

traveling gives me alot of time to think.
-long plane rides
-long walks in the countryside
-long walks in charming towns across europe
-long days without my phone.
there have only been less than 100 meltdowns total...
-long days without facebook

you get the idea.

i used to be afraid to talk about my life in england/europe. as i mentioned in my last post, i dont like it when people ask me questions about my life. i thought that people would think i was bragging, and i didn't want to make fake friends just because i was the cool half-english or half-american girl. i wanted people to like me for me, and i still somewhat feel this way! alot of people actually think im MEAN! which is hilarious, really, especially if you know me!

i'm shy. okay, maybe not SHY, but i am definitely closed off. i don't let people in very easily, especially in situations where alot of people are around. obviously there are exceptions, but i guess i come off pretty cold. i don't find any reason to apologize! haha

anywayyyyyy, today i am wrapping up my stay in my english hometown -coventry- and i am heading to london tonight. i'll be there until thursday.

then, italy til sunday.
cruise from sunday to sunday going around italy, greece and turkey.
then, back to italy until the following tuesday.

then,

HOME SWEET HOME! I'M COMIN' HOME Y'ALL!

shut up and hear me out.

i will admit it: i have a VERY charmed and good life. i'm not bragging-just a fact.

i was blessed with a ridiculously incredible singing voice that even sometimes i can't believe that sound is coming out of MY mouth.

i have parents who BEYOND provide for me. spoil me, in fact.

i am intelligent. okay, shut up. i am at least intelligent enough to write this blogpost, right?

i have a healthy body.

and to skip ahead, the one that gets me the most, is the fact that i travel to europe every year due to my being half-english.

okay, fine fine fine. that's all super great, buuuuuuut.....


i HATE beyond HATE---hate is a strong word---i HAAATTEE when people ask me about england/europe, and also when they ask about my singing/singing career.

NOW YOU KNOW, SO DON'T ASK!!!

the things i love to talk about are the things that nobody really knows about me...

i love the military and am joining the air force!

i love boys! and military boys! okay, that's not really a secret...but i am happy to talk about it anytime! haha

i am an all-american country girl, half british, and brought up a lady! haha in fact, i am wearing my cowboy hat while sitting in an english house this very second! don't ask questions.

i love to talk about random things, like, what the heck are people thinking when they are looking at me?? can you imagine what i would say if i had to share my thoughts when looking at people?! not good.

i like to work-out. let's talk about it.

so those are a few things that i WOULD want to talk about when i get home from europe, opposed to, "OH MY GOSH, TELL ME EVERY DETAIILLL OF YOUR TRIP!! I'D LOOOVEEE TO GO TO ENGLAND!! TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!".

sends shivers down my spine.

chickidee.

my best friend in the whole world...hold on...

we don't like to call eachother best friends because we've never had that kind of relationship. here's just a few things about why we don't consider ourselves "best friends":

1. we don't hug. only on special occasions like graduation-and it lasted about .000343 seconds.

2. we don't say love ya, love you, and we most DEFINITELY do NOT call eachother babe. heaven forbid, i probably wouldn't call anyone except a boyfriend babe!

3. we don't call eachother on the phone and talk for hours about nothing and everything. we text. occasionally call if necessary, but never just to talk.

okay, you get the idea. we're basically like really butch girls who are friends....and that totally doesn't sound normal so i take it back...

anyway, she's the one i can go to if i need a slap in the face and/or for a reality check.

she's the one who i can drive in the car with and giggle like 13 year old girls about a cute boy in the car next to us.

she's the one i tell the truth to-no matter how bad it hurts.

she's the one i can be myself around no matter WHAT kind of mood i'm in.

she's the one who gives me stupid ideas...that i am more than happy to go along with.

she's the one who listens for hours about my ridiculously unstable love life.

she's the one who knows how to make things better-ice cream.

she's the one who can say it to my face.

she's the one i can laugh with for hours on end without any reason at all.

she's my co-captain. or i'm HER co-captain...if only i could roll my eyes right now...

she's the one who dates the other brother so we can go on convenient double dates.

she's the one i can go on late night drive-bys to LOSEREX-BOYFRIEND'SHOUSESBECAUSEWE'REPATHETIC.

she's the one with brilliant ideas, like, dressing up as polygamists for halloween.

she's the one who makes me feel like a celebrity...and makes others believe it, too.

she's the one who sleeps with me on tour, and puts up with my diagonal sleeping.

she's the one who will go to gen-x with me and buy awesome shirts just because.

she's the one who comes to all my performances.

she's the one who is starting to sound like my lesbian girlfriend so i'm gonna stop.

if i had it my way...

so this morning, i saw a picture of a cake, and naturally, i started thinking of things i want, i like, and well, need...

so here we go! let's count down the top 10 things i need most and/or can't live without...
(in other words, a list of things that i really like. whatever.)

10. cake. food? chocolate. anything edible and delicious.
9. my phone. shut up.
8. men. military, preferably. but we all knew that.
7. ice cream. ANY kind. i'm easy to please.
6. music? sure, why not.
5. ringonthefinger.com/welcomehomeblog.com
4. joking around.
3. exercise. holy crap, i'd go insane without it.
2. my friends. JASMINE, ALEXANDRA, CARLIE, KRISTINE, LIZ...and the list goes on and on...
1. laughter. smiling. happiness.
0. long hair.

alright, so that list is ridiculously out of order and a little bit random, but hey...

MY LIFE BE LIKE OOOHHH AAAAAAHHHHHHH OOOOOHHH OOOOOHHH.

what is a kiss?

it seems like guys just kindof EXPECT you to kiss them...

i always imagined every kiss would be special and would be super cute, and yeah, i probably thought they would all be in the rain,too...

but now that i'm older and wiser, and have definitely had my fair share of WORRRRTTTHHHLLEEESSSS KIIISSSSSSSSSEEEEEEESSSSSS, i am going to change...

i've always told guys straight up that i'd prefer to kiss a guy if he was my boyfriend...
...but none of them listen...

SO! i am taking a different approach...

maybe i flirt too much, which therefore gives off the vibe that i am so called "easy" and they feel as if they can just USSEEE AND ABUSSEEE ME!!!!

thing is....i don't REALIZE i'm flirting...that's just how i AM! so...dilemma city....

and WHILLEE we're in dilemma city...i'd like to take you around the block to somewhere where i call single-town. i've lived here quite a while. why? because guys are jerks, and noone is willing to pay the price to live with me in HAPPY-VILLE!! k, i'm so done with this little analogy, but you get my drift...

so, why is it so hard to be happy for someone else when they have a brand spankin' new apartment in happy-ville?? uhh...

anyway, i have to come realize that i can definitely be happy for people in their successes, but it's ALOT harder when you're having a little failure in the same field....

whatever.

i want a boyfriend...
...a boyfriend that CARES and DOESN'T want "just a kiss"...


fml.

he's not coming home...

it's been a life-long dream of mine to be in the military, and kind-of a secret dream to be a military wife.

i can't imagine anything more romantic or meaningful than seeing your love for the first time in months or years.

i guess you could consider me a hopeless romantic.
okay, you could DEFINITELY consider me that.

i want to spend everyday for the rest of my life being hopelessly in love, and what better way to do that than spend each moment cherishing each other and the time you have together?

you don't know when it could all come crashing down in an instant;
a phone call--or lack of.

i was hopelessly in love. seriously...

i was the happiest i have EVER been! i smiled 24/7.

we would spend hours under the stars talking about how our love was unlike any other.

when he held my hand, i hoped he would never let go.

when we walked, he would look at me, smile and remind me how happy he was; i couldn't have agreed more.

when his arms were around me, i wanted nothing more than to stay there forever.

if i could take it all back; the pain, the tears, the nights spent under the stars alone, the empty message inbox, the empty tissue boxes, the heart break...i wouldn't...

he changed my life. literally...
i know it sounds cliche, but i look at life and love differently.
i don't go a day without thinking about him and/or what he taught me.

he taught me what true love is...

he taught me that true love is not always convenient, easy, or simple.

he taught me that true love is worth giving your life for.

he taught me that true love is FUN!


i take it back...
i take back not jumping in his arms every single chance i had.
i take back not kissing him as long as i could have or as often as i could have.
i take back the inhibitions and doubts.
i take back not giving him my whole heart--
he eventually had it all and more when he couldn't love me back.

i didn't know that would be the last time i would ever hug him goodbye.
i didn't know it would be our last kiss.
i didn't think it would end this way.

i wish i could put into words the way i felt about him and the way i feel about him now.

the truth is...
i'm just waiting.

waiting to smile again.
waiting for love; *true* love.

my blog sucks. i know.

first of all, i know my blog is NOT the most entertaining thing in the world. i mean, i'm not a teen mom, i'm not on drugs, i don't go out every weekend and get totally smashed, and heaven forbid i don't even have a BOYFRIEND.---as if i'm sad about that last one...................ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY............
movin' right along, i've been hanging around alot of different guys and even different types of guys lately, and to be real, i'm starting to get a little sick of find my perfect guy...

...i already lost him.
and while we're on the subject, that one guy....the one i wrote the story about...the one who had my heart...the one i haven't completely gotten over--shut up, i know i'm pathetic...the one who will always be my perfect guy until someone else comes along and sweeps me off my feet...well...i miss him. there. i said it. the tree carved in my backyard still looks the way it did when i was head over heels, and to be honest, still makes me smile whenever i see it.

what's with girls putting their hand on a guys chest when they take a picture?? is it like some sort of possession thing, or like, "hey, look at me! i get to touch him and you don't! take a picture!" k well......i realized that i'm a victim of this epidemic.

exibit a....

alright, well, now i'm just rambling because i lost my voice completely and literally cannot talk. i was horrified when i opened my mouth to speak this morning.
anyway, that's it.

and then it hit me...

...what if i KNOW the person i am going to marry??
okay okay, of COURSE i've thought about marrying people i know before, but what if i actually DID?? i mean, there are SOOOOOO many people out there....
think about it.....






are you thinking about it??!! LIKE BILLIONS!!!! so, wouldn't you feel like you "settled" if you married someone you knew?! wow. i really hate this subject. and i really hate talking about how friken huge the universe is. and i really hate talking about how to get the perfect body. and i REALLY hate it when people use emoticons, except for like (: and stuff......

so...
i got sunburned last weekend, and my lips have been screaming ever since.
i was thinking about how bad it would hurt to kiss someone with sunburned lips...
did you know...

1.scientific tests show that pleasurable kissing reduces dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes, and makes skin glow and eyes shine.

2.the average person spends two weeks of his or her life, all told, lip-locked.

3. the average american woman kisses 79 different men before marrying one. (okay, i DOUUBBTT that.)

4. passionate kissing can burn up to 6.4 calories a minute, or as many as 600 calories an hour. (any takers?? 600 calories an hour, i'm down....)

5. kissing can relieve headaches. it creates relaxation, which in turn causes the tension restricting blood vessels in the brain to be released.

6. the brain has special neurons that helps us locate our lover’s lips in the dark. (HAHA!)

this is good information, people!
kiss on!

summer fun. i mean, summer sucks.

you imagine your life after graduation, and even just summer in general, to be this great time with your friends, roasting marshmallows around a campfire up a canyon, wearing hoodies and cuddling with cute boys.
i do, anyway...
my summer so far, has been anything BUT any of that. i wake up around 10:29, approximately, everyday, and go downstairs to a mom who tells me to put down the carbs and go running. oh, and to get a job. oh, and to take the dogs on a walk. oh, and FIVE MILLION OTHER THINGS!!! and does she say any of that nicely? of course not.
okay, fine. i get it. i'm fat, lazy, and obviously an underachiever. sweet, thanks mom.
anyway, i went to apply for a job at forever21, and let's just say the competition was fierce. like, so fierce that i wanted to slap some of the girls in the face before they gave eachother one more fake compliment.
anyway, i got the job. so that's good. and apparently, it's really hard because over 200 people apply every week and they only hired 5- i, being one of the select AWESOME 5! bad news-i start in a week, so that means i have another 8 LOOONNGGGG DAYS ahead of me. kill me.
lovin' life to the max right now.
GET ME THE *&^^*((*&*&%&&%%&^%(*()*)(*)*((&*&^*& OUT OF MY HOUUSSSEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and that's that.

you wait your WHOLE life for your life to start. i waited for 18 years to graduate from high school. 18 years is a long time to wait for a 24 hour period of utter.....normalcy??? let's just say, the day of graduation WAS just another day-for the most part.

i kindof made a list in my head of all the days my life was going to all the sudden be amazing and everything would be perfect. graduation was probably the first, then moving to college, and getting married, etc.
thinking back, i wasted alot of time wishing things were different. this past year, i have accomplished so much more than i ever thought possible, and it makes me sad to think that i wished anything were different. i wished i was skinner, prettier, more tan, smarter, more popular....ya know...all that...
anyway, i've come to think that i'm pretty great! haha i mean, i might not be a size 2, and i'm definitely not a natural olive skinned beauty, but hey, i'm me and i'm glad that i'm NOT like anyone else!
k, so all of that just sounds really stupid...but it's true.