he's not coming home...

it's been a life-long dream of mine to be in the military, and kind-of a secret dream to be a military wife.

i can't imagine anything more romantic or meaningful than seeing your love for the first time in months or years.

i guess you could consider me a hopeless romantic.
okay, you could DEFINITELY consider me that.

i want to spend everyday for the rest of my life being hopelessly in love, and what better way to do that than spend each moment cherishing each other and the time you have together?

you don't know when it could all come crashing down in an instant;
a phone call--or lack of.

i was hopelessly in love. seriously...

i was the happiest i have EVER been! i smiled 24/7.

we would spend hours under the stars talking about how our love was unlike any other.

when he held my hand, i hoped he would never let go.

when we walked, he would look at me, smile and remind me how happy he was; i couldn't have agreed more.

when his arms were around me, i wanted nothing more than to stay there forever.

if i could take it all back; the pain, the tears, the nights spent under the stars alone, the empty message inbox, the empty tissue boxes, the heart break...i wouldn't...

he changed my life. literally...
i know it sounds cliche, but i look at life and love differently.
i don't go a day without thinking about him and/or what he taught me.

he taught me what true love is...

he taught me that true love is not always convenient, easy, or simple.

he taught me that true love is worth giving your life for.

he taught me that true love is FUN!


i take it back...
i take back not jumping in his arms every single chance i had.
i take back not kissing him as long as i could have or as often as i could have.
i take back the inhibitions and doubts.
i take back not giving him my whole heart--
he eventually had it all and more when he couldn't love me back.

i didn't know that would be the last time i would ever hug him goodbye.
i didn't know it would be our last kiss.
i didn't think it would end this way.

i wish i could put into words the way i felt about him and the way i feel about him now.

the truth is...
i'm just waiting.

waiting to smile again.
waiting for love; *true* love.

my blog sucks. i know.

first of all, i know my blog is NOT the most entertaining thing in the world. i mean, i'm not a teen mom, i'm not on drugs, i don't go out every weekend and get totally smashed, and heaven forbid i don't even have a BOYFRIEND.---as if i'm sad about that last one...................ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY............
movin' right along, i've been hanging around alot of different guys and even different types of guys lately, and to be real, i'm starting to get a little sick of find my perfect guy...

...i already lost him.
and while we're on the subject, that one guy....the one i wrote the story about...the one who had my heart...the one i haven't completely gotten over--shut up, i know i'm pathetic...the one who will always be my perfect guy until someone else comes along and sweeps me off my feet...well...i miss him. there. i said it. the tree carved in my backyard still looks the way it did when i was head over heels, and to be honest, still makes me smile whenever i see it.

what's with girls putting their hand on a guys chest when they take a picture?? is it like some sort of possession thing, or like, "hey, look at me! i get to touch him and you don't! take a picture!" k well......i realized that i'm a victim of this epidemic.

exibit a....

alright, well, now i'm just rambling because i lost my voice completely and literally cannot talk. i was horrified when i opened my mouth to speak this morning.
anyway, that's it.

and then it hit me...

...what if i KNOW the person i am going to marry??
okay okay, of COURSE i've thought about marrying people i know before, but what if i actually DID?? i mean, there are SOOOOOO many people out there....
think about it.....






are you thinking about it??!! LIKE BILLIONS!!!! so, wouldn't you feel like you "settled" if you married someone you knew?! wow. i really hate this subject. and i really hate talking about how friken huge the universe is. and i really hate talking about how to get the perfect body. and i REALLY hate it when people use emoticons, except for like (: and stuff......

so...
i got sunburned last weekend, and my lips have been screaming ever since.
i was thinking about how bad it would hurt to kiss someone with sunburned lips...
did you know...

1.scientific tests show that pleasurable kissing reduces dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes, and makes skin glow and eyes shine.

2.the average person spends two weeks of his or her life, all told, lip-locked.

3. the average american woman kisses 79 different men before marrying one. (okay, i DOUUBBTT that.)

4. passionate kissing can burn up to 6.4 calories a minute, or as many as 600 calories an hour. (any takers?? 600 calories an hour, i'm down....)

5. kissing can relieve headaches. it creates relaxation, which in turn causes the tension restricting blood vessels in the brain to be released.

6. the brain has special neurons that helps us locate our lover’s lips in the dark. (HAHA!)

this is good information, people!
kiss on!

summer fun. i mean, summer sucks.

you imagine your life after graduation, and even just summer in general, to be this great time with your friends, roasting marshmallows around a campfire up a canyon, wearing hoodies and cuddling with cute boys.
i do, anyway...
my summer so far, has been anything BUT any of that. i wake up around 10:29, approximately, everyday, and go downstairs to a mom who tells me to put down the carbs and go running. oh, and to get a job. oh, and to take the dogs on a walk. oh, and FIVE MILLION OTHER THINGS!!! and does she say any of that nicely? of course not.
okay, fine. i get it. i'm fat, lazy, and obviously an underachiever. sweet, thanks mom.
anyway, i went to apply for a job at forever21, and let's just say the competition was fierce. like, so fierce that i wanted to slap some of the girls in the face before they gave eachother one more fake compliment.
anyway, i got the job. so that's good. and apparently, it's really hard because over 200 people apply every week and they only hired 5- i, being one of the select AWESOME 5! bad news-i start in a week, so that means i have another 8 LOOONNGGGG DAYS ahead of me. kill me.
lovin' life to the max right now.
GET ME THE *&^^*((*&*&%&&%%&^%(*()*)(*)*((&*&^*& OUT OF MY HOUUSSSEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!